It's not worth less, either
by 3DBABE1999
Summary: Really quick take a quick look at the cover photo.. I did the Manip myself, it is Sam Winchester as a burn victim.. WARNINGS: SPOILERS for Season 9 Finale as well as lots of possibly triggering imagery... Rated "M" for a reason...
1. Chapter 1

|"It's not worth less, either."|

**A/N:** REALLY quick take a look at the cover pic I used... I did the Manip on myself... That is Sam as a burn victim..

**A/N: SPOILERS** for Season 9 Finale… But a special TAG for Season 9 Episode 11 "First Born.".. When Sam told Castiel that his life isn't "worth more than anyone else's"… The title is something I think that Sam needs to hear from BOTH Dean and Castiel at some point… Well, someone WILL say that to him and MEAN IT in THIS story… But there is going to be a long, dark and dangerous road that has to be traveled to get to that point and when it does get there, the words might be 'too little, too late' to help Sam down from the ledge he's been teetering on since he was a child…

**A/N: WARNINGS:** oh boy… BIG laundry list of WARNINGS here… There will be mentions of Sam becoming Catatonic (Like BAD kind of Catatonic, no talking, no interacting, no making any noise except the noise of his breathing, it'll be like he's in a Coma, except he'll be conscious and just not reacting to ANYTHING AT ALL… not anything he 'sees', 'hears', 'smells' or 'FEELS', not even physical pain (Well… there will be ONE moment where Sam will try to communicate 'something')… But Sam becoming Catatonic won't be till WAY later, Sam will also end up with third degree burns on over half of his body and will also be paralyzed (kind of part of the reason he becomes COMPLETELY Catatonic and again, the winding up burned and paralyzed thing will come WAY later)… Mentions of Sam being sexually assaulted more than once when he was still a minor and molested when he was a very small child (BAD 'babysitter' and Clowns at Plucky's) as well as mentions of Sam being raped by Lucifer in The Cage and how Sam considered his ill-gotten consent being misused by Gadreel the way it was as well as Crowley's and Gadreel's joint possession of him as multiple different forms of rape... A lot of the things that will be revealed about Sam's childhood and feelings will come in as a trip through Sam's 'fears', like Dean had to do with Charlie in Season 8 Episode 20 "Pac-Man Fever." except Sam's fears is Dean finding out about not only what Sam now remembers of his past (like he didn't remember SOME things until after certain other things due to all the times his memory's been wiped and messed with or repressed out of 'survival' and/or 'coping' mechanisms) but what Sam's idea of Heaven REALLY is as well as what Sam's 'greatest hits' really are (not that they're "bad"… But Sam doesn't have a lot of 'good' things left in his memories and he's afraid of those things being taken away so he subconsciously locked them up along with his TRUE idea of Heaven and threw away the key to keep EVERYONE who might break into his head space out of the things he doesn't want to lose, which also means Dean and whoever else might be with Dean when Dean does find a way into that part of Sam's mind (Which is the BIGGEST reason Sam ends up going completely Catatonic..) and all of Sam's memory's will basically be a play by play of what I already have as Young Sam's memories in "Because it hurts." except tweaked just a bit (hopefully it'll make sense when I get there)… mentions of Sam being suicidal and institutionalized, between Seasons 7 and 8, mentions of Season 10 Time Frame Sam being tortured and raped, LOTS of mentions of 'HalLucifer' and 'Hellucinations' and lots of Sam being put through the grinder before the end… Neither a happy nor an overtly sad ending is planned for this… No PERMANENT Main Character Deaths (well… except for Maybe Crowley or other 'Main' "bad guys"… although I doubt Crowley is gonna die anytime soon… but other 'Main' "bad guys" aren't entirely off the hit-list)… Possible SPOILERS for Season 10 in the first few Chapters before I travel into Head Canon (that may or may not eventually be proven to be real Canon at some point).. Also mentions of Demon!Dean being 'cured' (hmm… BUT… Will he STAY cured?) and it will be depressing because it won't be Sam to do the curing (because Sam is DOOMED to NEVER be the one to 'save' Dean…) (Except he will end up actually being THE ONE to **REALLY** "SAVE" Dean… interpret THAT however you will… and DEAN will FINALLY actually 'SAVE' Sam (again… Up to interpretation)… but again.. neither overtly happy or sad ending… BITTERSWEET would probably be the BEST word for the ending I have planned..)… scenes with Cass being a main caretaker… Mentions of Cass becoming human (again), lots of domesticated Cass, lots of domesticated Dean (eventually)…

**BLANKET WARNING:** For anything and everything else that may offend and/or trigger anyone that I didn't include in the list of WARNINGS above…

AND…

**EXTREME TISSUE WARNING:** This is being written specifically to induce massive amounts of weeping..

Please read, enjoy and review..

Reviews equal carrots and my super cute and fluffy baby plot bunnies really need the carrots so, please review!

Now..

**Onto the story…**

**~0~**

|"It's not worth less, either."|

**~0~**

Sam paced back and forth, his frustration amplified by his impatience… He had summoned Crowley over fifteen minutes ago and still Crowley had not shown up… Fifteen minutes that he spent drowning in desperation because he still couldn't come to grasps that Dean was gone, his body was cold and lifeless and unless Crowley showed up, there might not be a way to get Dean back… Because he knew that Castiel's grace had already been fading rapidly when he went with Gadreel to Heaven to break The Angel Tablet, so it was unlikely that Castiel's grace would have the strength to bring someone back from the dead, and he wouldn't trust Gadreel with something as important as Dean's life… Of course that's if, Cass and Gadreel were even still alive, as far as he knows, both Cass and Gadreel might be dead by now… And he doubts that any of the other angels would offer him or Dean any kind of aid as they had made their opinions of Dean clear when they went to Metatron's side and even if one did offer to help, he wouldn't trust them as far as he could throw them…

Fickle children that they were, constantly trading sides, he honestly didn't trust any of them, not even Cass, not really, but he had spared more attempts at trusting Cass because he wanted to believe that Cass was different…. But Cass wasn't answering his prayers, so Cass was either dead or couldn't come or had maybe even turned traitor again… he honestly didn't know and couldn't come to care… Not with his brother's body lying cold and lifeless in a room just down the hall.

Bringing Crowley in. FORCING Crowley to help, really did seem like his only option right now… No. He didn't trust the stout little bastard at all, but the sad fact of the matter was, was that for a bad guy, Crowley had come in handy more times than he can count and it was looking more and more like he really needed him right now if he was going to have any kind of real chance at saving Dean…

Time crawled by.. Thirty minutes passed and still, no Crowley. His heart wanted to rip itself from his chest out of sheer desperation. It was just like when Dean and Cass had just disappeared in an explosion of black goo after killing Dick Roman. He had been alone, there hadn't been anyone. No angels who would answer his pleading prayers for help and guidance, no demons who would deal with him, no hunters he could trust to help him with something like that. The only comfort he had, had, had been the knowledge that Dean's soul didn't go to Hell, and the assumption that Purgatory could only contain the 'souls' of supernatural creatures, which had left him with the bittersweet relief of thinking that Dean's soul had to have gone to Heaven….

Except, right now, he didn't have the illusion of getting to logically believe that Dean's soul would have gone to Heaven to comfort him this time as The Mark of Cain had been doing something to Dean… Had been changing Dean… And he knows that The Mark came with a great burden that Dean hadn't even cared to ask about before taking it and all he can do right now is ASSUME that the burden of The Mark had come with was the worst sort of price, that the ways it had been changing Dean had been in all of the worst sorts of ways. That The Mark of Cain could have very well come at the cost of Dean's soul being damned straight into Hell… And he cannot, will not, let Dean suffer like that again, he won't allow Dean's soul to stay stuck in Hell for long.

He doesn't care what he has to do. Even if he has to hunt down DEATH himself and barter a way into Purgatory so he can go through the backdoor of Hell to get Dean's soul out the same way he did Bobby's.

It's been an hour, since he summoned Crowley and he still hasn't gotten a response. He knows this means he has to take matters into his own hands, that he has no choice but to do this on his own no matter how impossible it seems, no matter what it might cost him, he has to get Dean's soul out of Hell and back into his body, everything else can be figured out later.

But first, he needs to find a way to preserve Dean's body as best as possible as he has no clue how long it will take him to figure out a way to get Dean's soul back into his body.

He opens the door to Dean's room and sees that the bed where he had lain his brother's body is empty..

The devastation at such findings hit him right in the chest like a speeding freight train. Dean's body is gone… Dean is gone.

And he doesn't know who has taken him, or what has been done to and/or with his body… And worst of all…. Once again, he has no clue how to get Dean back….

**TBC….**

**A/N:** My next Chapter to "Because it Hurts." Will be up soon, I had been hopped up on expresso and had been ready and excited to finally be edging towards 'Present Day' Sam's memories, but then all the caffeine in all those expressos I drank nearly put me into a caffeine induced coma, I was like super, super hyper, then the crash hit me sudden and hard and put me down for the count as far as coherent and cohesive thought that is required when trying to write.. then as I finally amped up to tackle my next Chapter to "Because it hurts.", again, I could not stop thinking about all of the possibilities for Season 10 and I thought about how I'd really love to see the sort of memories that are revealed in "Because it hurts." Put into something that's set in Season 10… And then I was like.. Well, what if Sam got touched by one of those bastard offshoots of a Jin?... and then this story began to manifest… It's a combination of ideas for the memories revealed in "Because it hurts.", the ideas behind "There's only so much a person can have taken from them." as well as ideas plucked from a few other stories…


	2. Chapter 2

|"It's not worth less, either."| |Chapter 2.| 

**A/N:** For those who might not be able to see my manip that I used for the cover art of this Fic, the link is here: ** 3dbabe1999 .tumblr **(Just take out the spaces in the underlined address) If anyone wants to check it out…

**~0~**

|"It's not worth less, either."| |Chapter 2.| 

**~0~**

After the discovering that Dean's body was gone, life came to a sqreeching halt.

He had nothing left 'to hold onto' anymore and his mind quickly spiraled down till he was lost in a sea of confusion, grief, guilt, anger and lunacy.

He could no longer calculate the spanning and ebbing of time as every second was spent in the exact same manner.

Research.

He worked with the knowns first.

Before he had discovered Dean's body missing, he had known without a doubt, that Dean had been dead. He had held his brother during his last breaths, he had felt it when Dean's heart stopped beating. He had FELT it when the light that was his brother's soul, was snuffed out.

He knew that Dean had been mortally wounded by Metatron, had watched as Metatron had stabbed Dean, puncturing one of Dean's lungs, nicking Dean's heart. He knows the damage that had been done.

He should.

He's the one who cleaned all of his brother's wounds. He's the one who did his best to repair the worst of the damage.

But it had all been 'too little, too late'… Cleaning Dean's wounds, patching up the worst of them, had done nothing to save Dean's already ended life, it had done nothing to bring Dean back. But he had cleaned him up and patched him up anyway, just like he had done after Lillith's Hellhound, just like he had done several times during a multitude of repeated Tuesdays that sometimes lasted to up to, two hours after a random variety of Dean's many deaths, days he had cared for his brother's maimed or broken body, feeling terrified that he wasn't going to wake up and get 'another Tuesday', another chance to save Dean's life and break the viscous cycle, he had also cared for Dean's body after he had been gunned down on that one Wednesday, and he would have cared for Dean's body, if there had been one left to care for when he had believed Dean to be dead after the exploding Dick Roman had caused both Dean and Cass to disappear.

And just like when Dean and Cass disappeared, he has no body to bring Dean back to….

But at least he can retrieve Dean's soul from Hell.

It's taken him, at least three days (he thinks) to find where Dean had hidden the spell that can bind DEATH and knows that there is no turning back, that one way or another, by the end of the day, he was going to go to Hell… It's the getting back out part that he's not so sure about….

Finding the ingredients for the ritual is no longer the same challenge that it used to be as bunker came stocked with just about everything that might be needed for almost every sort of spell imaginable.

He can sense that someone, something is observing him and he has a feeling that DEATH knows what he's up to and is possibly, seriously considering to make good on the threat that he had made to Dean over three years ago… But that doesn't matter, if DEATH kills him, then he'll be where he had wanted to be in the first place. With Dean, in Hell, no, he might not be able to save Dean if he doesn't have a way to get Dean out, but at least he will be right there suffering, right alongside Dean.

He doesn't realize how much he has focused his concentration on getting the ritual just right (it HAS to go just right or it will NOT work) until he realizes, a moment too late that his awareness of everything outside the ritual has completely slipped as an iron strong hand grips his arm harshly, wheeling him around and a steely voice asks "What do you think you're doing, Sam?"

TBC..


	3. Chapter 3

|"It's not worth less, either."| |Chapter 3.| 

**A/N:****WARNINGS:** A few 'F bombs' may also make their ways into this fic from time to time, all other WARNINGS from Chapter 1., still and always will apply..

Okay… There are a few questions that I have to ask both myself and other Supernatural fans at this point…

**1:** In Season 5 Episode 21, DEATH gave Dean his ring, WHY didn't DEATH just tell Dean that a MORTAL could put on the ring and use it, back then? WHY did DEATH wait TWO YEARS before suddenly being all like "Oh, here take my ring and act as DEATH for a day and I'll go get Sam's soul out of The Cage.", just please ignore the fact that TWO YEARS AGO, you had my ring and could have just used it to kill Lucifer and Sam would never have had to say "Yes.' And wouldn't even be in The Cage right now (and neither would Adam, but, shh.. we are supposed to just forget about him) and the whole 'Apocalypse' could have just been done and over, good guys win and everyone goes home, eats pie and lives happily ever after )because Lucifer would be DEAD, Michael could have stepped up and started actually doing something to actually get Heaven back in order), The End?...

**2:** Why DEAN?, Why did DEATH wait TWO YEARS to tell DEAN that 'HE' could put on the ring and use it?

**3:** What would happen if SAM put on DEATH'S ring? Would HE also be able to use it, the same way Dean did?

**4:** In Season 4, Zachariah basically admits right to Dean's face that HE (an 'ANGEL of the Lord') had PERSONALLY had a hand in 'nudging' Sam down the 'path' he was on, so it brings Zachariah into question… What all did ZACHARIAH do TO SAM to 'nudge' him?, Did Zachariah possibly have ANYTHING to do with why Sam started drinking demon blood? (As in, did Zachariah work WITH Ruby to get Sam to start drinking demon blood?, Is it at all possible that Zachariah did the whole 'mind wiping thing', 'mind controlling thing', 'sticking in an Alternate Reality/Universe thing' to Sam, possibly more than once, to FORCE Sam into drinking, and getting addicted to, demon blood then wiping Sam's mind to make him forget that an angel was involved and that he was FORCED to drink and get addicted to the blood?... Seeing as how the FIRST TIME, we as viewers actually see Zachariah he has just admitted to wiping BOTH Dean's AND Sam's memories to teach DEAN a 'lesson' (so to speak), and then later shows to be a truly shady and manipulative Character who definitely seems to be working towards his own agenda and NOT Heaven's agenda, (and as we saw with Uriel, not all angels are good guys, **(In fact point me to an ANGEL, that hasn't shown themselves as capable of being bad..)** and as we see later in the Series, most of the time, ANGELS don't have that big of an issue with working WITH demons if suits their own means and they darn sure don't have a problem with hurting and/or killing PEOPLE (or Dean or SAM) and/or each other if it suits their own means..), so what all did Zachariah DO TO SAM, to 'teach' Sam a 'lesson'?, What all did Zachariah do TO Sam, to 'nudge' him down the 'path' he was on and HOW LONG had he been 'nudging' Sam down that 'path'? Is it possible that when Sam first found out that Ruby was a demon, that he had been about to exercise her ass straight back to Hell and (hopefully) save her pretty blonde meatsuit, but Zachariah swooped in, screwed with his mind somehow FORCING Sam to let Ruby live?, Is it possible that Zachariah had 'swooped in' several times to continuously keep him on that 'path' of being swayed by Ruby's manipulations, all so Sam AND Dean would only see Ruby's 'demonic' involvement and influence and never once suspect that an ANGEL was really the one pulling the strings, thus making DEAN suspicious, making DEAN mistrust Sam, putting a wedge in DEAN'S bond with Sam so that DEAN could also be unwittingly 'nudged' down his own 'path'?

**5:** Let's suspend belief for a second and pretend that Cass got Dean to Sam in time to stop SAM from killing Lillith… How does DEAN know (How does ANYONE know) that if HE had been the one to kill Lillith, with the demon killing knife, that THE SAME THING wouldn't have happened? (I.E. Dean kills Lillith with the demon killing knife, but Lillith's death was STILL The Last Seal, thus Lillith dying by Dean's hand, still opens The Cage and sets Lucifer free just the same as if SAM had killed her.), How does DEAN (or ANYONE) know that at that point, that Lillith couldn't have just killed herself and broken The Last Seal the second she so much as thought that Sam and Dean might be too smart to kill her themselves?

**6:** Season 3 Episode 4 "Sin City.", we as viewers see a DEMON, possessing a PRIEST, think about the implications of THAT for just a second… let it sink in… A… PRIEST… Someone who HAS to handle HOLY WATER all of the time and then in Season 4, we as viewers see that YELLOW EYES also possessed A PRIEST back in 1972… Season we heard Sam say to Yellow Eyes, "But the Holy Water.." and Yellow Eyes replied "You think SOMETHING LIKE THAT works on SOMETHING LIKE ME?".. Hmm… TWO DEMONS that seemed to be immune to the effects of Holy Water and there may have been THREE DEMONS immune to the effects of Holy water, cause… Did we as viewers ever see RUBY get so much as sprinkled with Holy Water?... NO! Because when Sam went to go at her with some Holy Water right after finding out she was a demon, 'SOMETHING' stopped him from going at her with it, thus keeping both him and US from ever knowing if she would have had a reaction to the Holy Water or not… This brings to question the orgins of Yellow Eyes, the DEMON that possessed A PRIEST in Season 3 Episode 4 and even Ruby (Yeah, she told Dean that 'as far as she knew' all demons were once HUMAN before their souls were twisted and turned in Hell… BUT… DEMONS LIE!) as in Season 3 Episode 4 "Sin City." (hmm, SAME Episode as a DEMON possessing a PRIEST) she tells Sam "I'll be there with you, just think of me as that little 'FALLEN ANGEL' on your shoulder."… Hmmm…. Notice that Sam held The Colt right to her throat?... How as he un-cocks the gun (as if what she said made him rethink killing her) the camera is not on Sam, but his hand as he un-cocks the weapon instead of killing her with it?... WHY?!... Why show just his hand?.. A shot of just his hand and NOTHING else, like what might have just 'swooped in' to the room to stand beside him or behind him to 'zap' him into complying accordingly to plan? Is it at all possible that Zachariah had a little something to do with the fact that Sam didn't just use The Colt to kill Ruby right then and there?

**7:** Season 3 Episode 16 "No rest for the wicked." Dean stuck Ruby in a devil's trap, and HE could have killed her right then and there, yet 'SOMETHING' kept him from just ending her right then and there… Is it possible Zachariah 'swooped in' and mind whammied Dean because he needed RUBY specifically for whatever he had planned for Sam? AND… HOW did Ruby get out of that devil's trap? Is it possible that Zachariah let her out?

**8:** In Season 5 we as viewers learn that certain kinds Hexbags can help keep a person hidden from demons and that Enochian burned into someone's ribs could help keep them hidden from angels… In Season 4 Episode 3 "In the beginning.", when Yellow Eyes laid his eyes on Mary he says "Where have THEY been hiding you?".. now it's doubtful that Mary's had a Hexbag on her since 1972 (when Lucifer instructed Yellow Eyes to find him a 'Special Child"), so just WHO had been 'hiding' Mary and just HOW where 'they' keeping her 'hidden'?

**9:** In Season 5 Episode 14 "My bloody Valentine.", the 'Cupid' (A.K.A., Cheribum ANGEL) that Sam, dean and Cass capture tells about he was the one who 'MADE' John and Mary fall in love, because it was orders 'from on high' that Dean and Sam Winchester HAD to be born… Think about the implications of THAT… let those implications sink in for a few seconds… Just WHEN did the 'Cupid' MAKE John and Mary fall in love?.. How old were John and Mary when the 'Cupid' FORCED them to fall in love?.. This brings all sorts of things into question, especially if one were to draw a timeline.. we as viewers see that ANGELS had KNOWN since before Sam and Dean were ever born what would happen to Mary, how that would push John to become an obsession driven hunter who would be fueled by a quest for revenge and what would happen to Dean and Sam because of all of that back when Dean visited 1973.. BUT… Think about THIS… Henry Winchester was a 'Man of Letters, LEGACY' and Mary came from family that 'came from a long line of hunters, that had also came from a long line of hunters' (according to Sam Cambell) and HENRY disappeared when John was just FOUR YEARS OLD, because of Abaddon and therefore was unable to teach John about how he too was a Men of Letters, LEGACY, therefore keeping John from all the sorts of information about the supernatural that he could have (SHOULD HAVE) had available to him his entire life up until Mary died (barring the one time in 1978 when he had found out about BOTH demons AND ANGELS because Michael had wiped his mind (hmm.. an ANGEL messing with a person's mind to 'NUDGE' him down a 'path' that would lead straight into a future that he could have avoided if his mind hadn't been screwed with and all of the knowledge that he had obtained hadn't been wiped from his mind, after telling that person's future son that Free Will is an ILLUSION… nah… Cause then that wouldn't be playing fair, now would it? And angels are the good guys and MICHAEL was supposed to have been the BEST of all of them, so he would have totally played fair and would have NEVER tampered with a person's Free Will just for the sake of his own means… Right?)… And at some point between John's father disappearing and 1973, a 'Cupid' (AN ANGEL) MADE John fall in love with Mary and MADE Mary fall in love with John just to ensure that BOTH Dean AND Sam would be born and then in 1973 Yellow Eyes 'found' wherever Mary had been 'hidden' then KILLED John and offered her a deal that would ensure that John would go down a 'path' that would then lead both of his sons down THE 'PATHS' that the demons AND.. THE ANGELS had wanted them on in the first place… Which once again brings to question.. Is it possible that Zachariah had been working with Ruby before we as viewers ever even saw Ruby?... AND.. What was Ruby's REAL origins? Was she REALLY **completely** human before she became a demon?) , What was the Yellow Eyes Demon's origins? Is it possible that Zachariah might have even worked with Yellow Eyes to ensure that Sam would be 'nudged' "down his path"?

**10:** What would have happened if Sam and dean had listened to Joshua and just hadn't interfered with whatever happened between Michael and Lucifer?... Lucifer had been burning through his vessel, there's a chance that Michael, who had been in a fresher, therefore stronger vessel, would have won with very little Collateral Damage and even if there had been tons of deaths… ANGELS can bring people back from the dead, Michael could have just brought anyone who was a casualty of 'The Apocalypse' back to life after he won… Plus there was Cass and several other angels who could have helped in that endeavor… And if Lucifer had won (which is doubtful considering how his vessel was melting from around him) it is likely he would have just melted through his vessel soon after 'The Apocalypse' and therefore would have been without another viable vessel so long as Sam (and Dean, as Dean also shared the 'Bloodline') never said 'Yes.', so Lucifer would have had to (eventually) fade back into the Aether or something until another **VIABLE** vessel was born and by then Sam and Dean probably would have found a way to kill him (ANGEL BLADE (YES, an ANGEL BLADE would have killed Lucifer or Gabriel wouldn't have been going up against him with nothing but an ANGEL BLADE in Season 5 Episode 19 "Hammer of The Gods."), DEATH'S RING, getting Cass to cast Lucifer into the Sun… SOMETHING…), so at least they would have had time to research and prepare for when Lucifer did come back… So… What would have happened **IF** Sam and Dean had just stayed out of whatever would happen between Michael and Lucifer like Joshua had told them to in Season 5 Episode 16 'Dark side of the Moon."?

Those are just SOME of the questions that have been on my mind lately…

**~0~**

A few quick definitions of few different types of Liquors as well as few brands that were popular in 1953 (A year before MOST of The Men of Letters were killed off by Abaddon and a year before 'The Bunker' was left abandonned (until Sam and Dean found it).) :

Whisky- Whiskey is a type of liquor which is distilled from a range of grains. The most common grains used are corn, rye and barley. This type of liquor is first distilled two to three times, and then it is aged in large oak barrels to improve its flavor. Some of the renowned whisky beverages include the Scotch Single-malts, Irish blends and the American bourbons.

Popular Brands of Fine Scotch in 1953:

Strathisla Single Malt

Macallan 1953 (**P.S.** if you should happen to come into possession of a 70cl/52% bottle of 1953 Macallan1953/49 Year Old/Fine & Rare Single Malt Scotch, DO NOT OPEN IT! Sell, sell, sell… It is worth anywhere from TWELVE to FIFTEEN THOUSAND EUROS (Which is like SEVENTEEN to TWENTY THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS) (for just ONE BOTTLE!) I am NOT even close to joking.. Also, I would not mind it, if you decided to share the money with me… hehehe.. Yeah, I know, never gonna happen… But, I had to at least try!)

Glenfarclas & Hine1953 ( Glenfarclas & Hine 1953/ Auld Alliance is also worth roughly TWELVE THOUSAND EUROS for a 140cl bottle)

Popular brands of American Whiskey in 1953:

Jack Daniel's is a brand of sour mash Tennessee whiskey that is the highest selling American whiskey in the world.

Jim Beam is an American brand of bourbon whiskey produced in Clermont, Kentucky.

~0~

Vodka – Vodka is one of the purest spirits in the world hailing from Russia and Eastern Europe. It is odorless, tasteless and clear liquor from the distillation of potatoes, grains and in some times molasses. Makers of vodka distill the potatoes, sugar beets or grain to create virtually pure ethanol. It is the added water to dissolve the concentration to drinkable liquor. Consumption of this liquor differs according to geographical regions. In Eastern Europe, people usually drink vodka straight and dry while in Western Europe and Americas they usually use it as cocktail.

Popular Brands of Vodka in 1953 :

Smirnoff

~0~

Rum – Rum is known as the favorite liquor for navy sailors and pirates. They are popularly known to mix sugar-water, lime juice and rum to make a pickling drink. Rum is a type of liquor beverage made from the distillation of molasses or sugar juice. Traditionally it was a common drink in Caribbean islands but it has since then widely spread to the South American countries. There are three main categories of rum namely spiced, dark and light. Each is used for straight drinking, cooking and mixing respectively though most of the time the uses overlap.

Popular Brands of Rum in 1953:

St. James

Clement Rhum vieux Millesime

~0~

Brandy**–**Brandy has over the years been known as the "fire wine." It is liquor distilled from mashed fruits mainly grapes. It can also be made from a variety of fruits including plums, pears as well as apples. After the distillation it is then aged in oak casks to give it a rich color. Traditionally brandy lovers used it as a nightcap consumed after dinner. However in the modern world brandies such as Courvoisiers and Hennessy are very popular in parties. In addition cooks also use this type of liquor in pan sauces and desserts to reduce the syrupy sweet essence. Cognac is a type of Brandy..

Popular Brands of Brandy and/or Cognac in 1953:

Hennessy

Frapin

Courvoisier

~0~

Beer (or Ale)- Beer is an alcoholic beverage produced by the saccharification of starch and fermentation of the resulting sugar.

Popular Beer Brands in 1953:

Schlitz

Edelweiss

Budweiser

Miller

~0~

**I did this to show what sorts of Liquor would have most likely already been in the Bunker before The Men of Letters abandoned it…**

**Versus: What sort of Liquors Sam and Dean might have brought in themselves:**

Whiskey and Scotch:

Maker's Mark

Jack Daniels

Label 5

Johnnie Walker Blue (cause Rufus got Dean hooked on it)

Jim Beam

~0~

Vodka:

Grey Goose

Absolwent

Firefly (hehehe.. Just cause it's called "Firefly")

~0~

Rum:

They probably wouldn't buy Rum, but if there was Rum already in The Bunker, I doubt they'd pass it up..

~0~

Brandy or Cognac:

MAYBE they might get a bottle of Hennessey, but I doubt they'd buy Brandy and/or Cognac although I don't think they'd pass up drinking it if it was already in The Bunker.

~0~

Beer (or Ale):

Whatever generic label that is allowed to actually be shown on screen without toeing the lines of Copyright and Licensing laws…

~0~

AND… They would probably also bring in Tequila which is NOT mentioned above as I believe that The Men of Letters would have considered themselves as 'too refined' (A.K.A. 'snooty' or 'snobbish') to purchase Tequila let alone bring it into The Bunker..

SO:

Tequila – Tequila is officially produced from a plant grown in some parts of Mexico called the blue agave. As a result tequila with 100% of the blue agave is considered pure and goes at a higher price than other of tequila usually take a shot of tequila followed with a spicy tomato juice or a slice of citrus fruit. The most consumed types of tequila are the sunrise tequila and margaritas which are paired with fruit juice to drink.

Brands of Tequila that I think Sam and Dean might have brought into The Bunker:

Jose Cuervo

Senor Reno

Lanazul

~0~

**It is important because there were different processes in the 1950's than there are today as far as the way certain types of Liquors and other Alcoholic Beverages were made, produced and distributed..**

For instance:

Cobalt was once used to stabilize BEER FOAM and eventual chronic consumption of the BEER that the Cobalt was used in, eventually caused Cardiomyopathy.. This happened in 1966.. BUT.. There may have been other times that Cobalt or other potentially hazardous (when chronically consumed) materials may have been used in the making, producing or distributing of BEER or other Alcoholic Beverages and Liquors in the 1950's like Cobalt may have also been used to color glass for some bottles that BEER (or ALE)or other Alcoholic Beverages and Liquors might have been distributed in and LEAD was often used for bottle caps and there was sometimes LEAD dusting that coated bottles that may have contained BEER or Liquor and sometimes LEAD was even IN as in a part of the glass the bottles may have been made out of (I emphasize the beer more because the beer would have probably been the first Alcohol that was already in The Bunker that Sam and Dean would have drank.. I could just hear Dean going.. "Hey, Sammy, look, antique beer." right before he popped the top off and drank it while offering Sam one with his free hand…) and that's only the dangers the older bottles posed, there was also canned beer back in the 1950's and the cans that beer was sold in were made out of Steel or Tin and TIN is a moderately toxic metal and there was sometimes even MERCURY in glassware (like say there was a REALLY OLD glass decanter in The Bunker and one of The Men of Letters guys was all like "The Scotch would go good in here." And poured a bottle of Scotch into it not knowing that he or anyone else who drank from THAT decanter would end up being directly exposed to Mercy through ingestion and because it was a decanter meant to be used that way, NO ONE would have ever suspected that they might have slowly been poisoning themselves to death every time they drank a glass of Scotch from THAT decanter) and MERCURY is a REALLY, REALLY BAD thing to be exposed to even just a little…Which means that if there had been old cans and old glasswares that were made before 1960 (Which.. ALL of it HAD to have been, cause The Bunker was abandoned in 1954..) that contained various types of Alcoholic Beverages and Sam and/or Dean had drank any of those Alcoholic Beverages.. Well… It could have very well been a hazard to their physical and/or mental health..

I put this here because in Season 8 when Sam started coughing up blood, the first thing I thought of was Heavy Metal Toxicity or Poisoning because The Bunker is OLD and has old pipes (In Season 8 Episode 16 "Remember The Titans." we as viewers see Sam drink water straight from the tap (And I was like "NOOO… Sam don't do it, don't drink that water and when he drank it anyway I was like "Great, now Sam has Lead Poisoning or some crap.." THEN Sam coughed up blood for the first time and I was like "See, told you NOT to drink that water, dude.."), and one has to wonder just how many times he had drank water from those particular taps before..), and THEN I later thought of The Trials and how they may or may not have been affecting Sam after Sam implied that he might end up like Prometheus, but I still did a whole crap ton of research on Heavy Metal Toxicity and Poisoning and found out the beer thing, which lead to more research about how Liquor and other Alcoholic Beverages that might have already been in The Bunker might have been made, produced, packaged and distributed and what all sorts of elements might have also been in The Bunker when Sam and Dean moved in, such as the dishes, the silverware, the possibly LEAD paint on the walls and the possibly Arsenic laced varnish on the table all the way down to the possibly Asbestos filled dust, trapped in the pages of some of those really old books..

Basically I went a little nuts with all of the information I found… BUT… Wouldn't that just be the crap ending to beat all crap endings, if the writers gave us TEN SEASONS filled with monsters, ghosts, demons, angels, angst, fear, sadness and the occasional good thing and happy moment, only to sideline all of us by using something NORMAL and EASILY AVOIDABLE like HEAVY METAL TOXICITY or POISONING to kill Sam and Dean?.. Just sayin… THIS STUFF has been stuck in my head ever since they found The Bunker and I just really had to get it all off my chest…

~0~

**ANYWAY… Onto the story.. And as always please read, enjoy and review…**

**~0~**

|"It's not worth less, either."| |Chapter 3.|

**~0~**

Sam was dazed by the movement as he was forcefully spun around away from the ingredients for the ritual to summon and bind DEATH..

"Cass?" He asked, looking and sounding bewildered as he stumbled backwards a half step and Cass caught him before he could bump into the table and possibly knock one of the ingredients over and thus potentially cause all sorts of calamity. Then Cass pushed him towards a chair and allowed him to plop heavily into its seat.

"You're drunk." It was a statement not a question.

"Yeah… So?", He had actually surpassed drunk, about three bottles of fine Scotch ago. "You're sh-sh… Sh…ort.." He sobbed out with a trembling jaw as tears sprang and cascaded uninhibitedly from his eyes as a Tsunami of emotions, that, that one simple word had caused, crashed into his already battered heart.

Cass put a hand on his shoulder, it was neither comforting nor reprimanding, it was simply there to help keep him steady until he could do it himself.

And he had needed it. Cass just stood there, keeping him from slipping out of the chair and landing in a heap of drunkenly tangled limbs, and said nothing as he cried all the Whisky out of his system until he had no more Liquor to cry out anymore, sobering him up some and making him see reality for what it was.

He really fucking hated reality right now.

He felt anger rose up in him as he pushed himself to an unsteady stand "Where were you when I needed you?", he growled as he towered over Castiel's shorter frame and gripped his throat with lethally crushing strength "I called for you… I prayed for your help… Where were you Cass?", he shook the angel "Where were you?", he asked as he broke into heartbroken sobs once more.

"My Grace is fading faster than I had anticipated and I knew that I needed to reserve what little I had left if I were to be able to help bring Dean back.."

"Can't bring him back now… No one can…" Sam collapsed back into the chair as he finally admitted the truth of the matter..

"What do you mean, Sam?... Are you saying that you've already?.."

"No… No… There are things I would never do and burning my brother's body is one of those things… He.. He .. uh.. He didn't really like fire that much.."

"Then what do you mean when you say that no one can bring him back now?"

"His body.. It disappeared from… I brought him back here. Laid him in his bed. He really loved that bed.. You wouldn't answer when I prayed, so, I went to try to summon Crowley.."

"Sam.." Castiel said in reprimand.

"I wasn't going to make a deal, I was going to threaten Crowley and make him help Dean and trust me I have the leverage.. But.. Crowley wouldn't answer when I summoned him."

"What about the First Blade?" Castiel asked..

"Dean died and his body disappeared and all you care about is a stupid weapon?!", he roared as he shot to a stand again and threw a punch at Castiel's face.

Castiel grabbed Sam's fist before the punch could reach him. "It was not my intention to sound insensitive, I was simply asking whether or not the First Blade was also gone, Sam."

"I.. I.. I didn't even think to look." Sam answered honestly as he looked down at his feet like a child who had just been scolded.

The look Cass gave him was full of sympathy and understanding as he put a a hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a supportive squeeze "We can go look together."..

Because it was obvious, even to Cass, that Sam wouldn't be able to handle going back into Dean's room, alone, again…

TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

|It's not worth less, either.| |Chapter 4.|

~0~

Sam's eyes went instantly to the empty bed, then his body trembled with a full body shiver as he hastily adverted his eyes from the small spots of blood on the sheets and blankets that must have come off of Dean's bloody clothes when he had laid Dean's body to rest.

Cass didn't miss the way he shuddered and stepped between him and the bed to give him something else to focus on and that small act of support made Sam grateful as he didn't want to lose it and break down again just from seeing Dean's blood all over Dean's empty bed, where Dean should be laying, where Dean should be laying, fully healed and alive, where there shouldn't ever be any blood or a missing brother…

His body gave another shudder. Apparently some part of him wasn't getting the Memo about the whole not falling apart and breaking down thing.

Castiel's voice permeated his steadily, downward spiraling thoughts. "Where did you last see The Blade?"

"Over there on top of the dresser." Sam answered, his voice sounding distant, at least to his own ears as he pointed to the dresser where he'd laid The First Blade.

When Cass moved towards the dresser, Sam found himself moving as well, in effort to keep Cass in between himself and his brother's empty bed that was covered with his brother's blood, his mind chanting, "Don't lose it. Don't lose it.", the entire time as he tried to keep control of his breathing.

Sam turned his attention to the dresser where The First Blade, SHOULD, be. It was just as gone as his brother's body happened to be.

Sam let out a choked cry of anguished distress, because he didn't know WHAT that meant, but he knows that it CANNOT mean anything good. In fact he's very certain that it means nothing but BAD THINGS.. **VERY** _BAD_,_ THINGS_….

Castiel looked up at Sam's unexpected, emotional outburst. He would say that he felt the same, but he didn't have the luxury of knowing the definition of the emotions that were stirring inside him, so he could not honestly say that what he was feeling was the same as Sam… Because.. If he could not describe his own emotions, then how could he describe SAM'S emotions or try to label those emotions as the same as his own?

"The Blade.. It's gone." Sam stated numbly. "Just like De.. Just like Dean.."

Castiel had already known this as the top of the Bladeless dresser, had already told him as much. But Sam was apparently still trying to get passed the Denial Stage of this living nightmare.

"What does that mean?" Sam gasped as more tears pooled in his eyes "Cass, what does that mean? Why are they BOTH gone? Where are they? Where is my brother, Cass?"

TBC….

~0~

A/N: Yes I am still working on "Because it hurts." I just got hung up on Sam's 'Stanford Years' I wanted to get them right because they are kinda like the last stepping stone before I transition to a Canon Sam Timeline and I wanted to that time in Sam's life justice without speeding through it and being all like, 'Sam was at Stanford, met Jessica, they dated, moved in together, Dean showed up and Jessica died.' Because there has to be more to Sam's 'Stanford Years' as well as Sam's time with Jessica and I'm just trying to get a feel for what all might have gone on with Sam during the TWO YEARS (**actually THREE YEARS**) he was at Stanford before Dean showed up... And all I have to work with for that Timeline is: That Sam met (**REAL**,** actual**) Brady and they became friends, then Brady went 'away' for a Thanksgiving Break and came back 'different' (**POSSESSED**), then (**no longer REAL**) 'Brady' introduced Sam to Jessica and Sam and Jess started dating then Sam and Jess moved in together, and then Sam fell in love with Jessica enough to start thinking about proposing before Dean showed up.. And that this all happened within the time Sam was at Stanford (**Which the Show says was TWO YEARS, but if one were to do the math... Sam turned 22 by the end of Season 1, which means he was still only 21 when Dean showed up, which means that Sam probably left in May 2002, right after he graduated and right after his 19th birthday.. SO.. If one were to surmise that Sam had only been gone two years from THAT time then.. How is it OCTOBER 31ST of 2005, when Dean comes to get Sam, cause that's like THREE years, plus a few months and a couple of weeks (which is a whole one year more than DEAN says that Sam's been gone... Hmmm... Gotta love continuity errors..) **and other than that, it all feels sort of vague.. Nothing about Jessica's past is ever really mentioned.. It's just clear that Jessica, a seemingly smart and independent woman, trusted some guy(**Sam**) enough to stay with him for 'however long' despite the fact that she knew basically, NOTHING about his past and she obviously knew he was deliberately keeping secrets from her, yet she had been with him and had stayed with him and trusted him enough to LIVE with him and sleep with him, which just seemed kind of 'off' to me and I had to put myself in the mindset of a woman who would be with, stay with, LIVE with, sleep with a man she honestly didn't know anything about besides what she had seen from their time 'together' and I thought... '**_Maybe, maybe, Jessica had come from an abusive home too and maybe she had been afraid to ask too many questions because experience with 'someone abusive' taught her better than to ask too many questions or to press for actual_ answers.**'... ANYWAY.. Several theories about Jessica abounded, after all, I need her to have a back story that builds up her Character to show why and how she so readily let a relationship with Sam, _whom she hardly knew anything about_, get to such a serious point that they were already basically living and sleeping together within such a short period of time.. TWO YEARS (**_Okay.. Actually TWO YEARS, TEN MONTHS and THREE WEEKS and that's IF (Real) Brady got possessed over Sam's FIRST Thanksgiving Break at Stanford and then 'Brady' came back 'different' (POSSESSED) and introduced Sam to Jessica sometime around December 2002_**).. is NOT a long time especially when she still barely knew anything about the person she was living and sleeping with... Yet she was still in that relationship with Sam for 'however long' despite Sam's obvious secrecy... WHY?.. SO.. Basically... That's been my hang up with "Because it hurts.", but I am actually, finally getting past that rough patch and hopefully things will go smoothly for me now...


End file.
